Settling in Cambridge
The classic question being asked us by many a kind Church family member is "are you settling into Cambridge then?" The answer is invariably a yes, a quick mention of how much we're enjoying having people over for dinner, and that God has been kind to us. Which is very true. God has given Alex and I a multitude of blessings - new friends, a lovely home and the gift of marriage. But it's not all plain sailing, and this period of settling has caused us heartache as well as happiness.
As we've been getting to know a new Church family, we've been particularly struck by the difference between student ministry and 20s and 30s ministry. We've found making friends far slower than when we were undergraduates, people have much less spare time, and are far more protective of their evenings than students. The 20s and 30s group would spend two evenings a week together, probably spending 3 hours in each others company, compared to the far more intense schedules of students, who could be with each other at Church every other day. The rate of growth is therefore so much slower than in Durham. We spent a good week feeling very frustrated at this. We were desperate to be outward looking, to not close our doors and hideaway as closeted newly-weds. But for all our zeal, we couldn't seem to connect with people, or have the open-home we longed for. In my human short-sightedness, I was quick to despair that we would in fact never make friends, and that perhaps this Church family wasn't for us. Perhaps if I had been on my own, I would have let this despair drive a wedge between me and my Church family. Mercifully, God has given me a fantastically stable and consistent husband, and the pair of us resolved that we would simply keep on going. We would keep sending out dinner invitations, keep staying after Church to chat with people we were slowly coming to know better, and keep finding every opportunity we could to give to our new Church family. And over the last few weeks, we have seen the fruits of this. On Monday and Tuesday evenings, we always have a group of people over for supper. We try to think hard about who might need or appreciate this most, to give to those most in need. We can use the good things God has given to us for the good of other people. After Church, we have a group of friends who we make sure to catch up with. We know what they're finding difficult at the moment, or exciting things happening in their weeks, and we can ask about this - show that we listen to them and know them. We come away from Church feeling happy. We can see the progress we're making in our friendships, and we feel like we have opportunities to serve others. Alex and I are striving to live out 1 Thessalonians 2 v 8 - So we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. To do this, we try to look for simple ways to serve someone that mean alot to them. A dog-walk and soup for someone who would spend that Saturday alone. A quick message to tell someone that you're praying for them and thinking of them as they go through family illness. Lending a towel to a friend who travels to visit their fiance. You won't be someone's closest friend immediately, but you can share yourself with them and slowly see how God knits your lives together.
If you're feeling distant from your Church family, then may I encourage you to persevere? Grow your friendships one conversation or dinner at a time, and don't let the seeming lack of progress stop you from putting in the effort needed to create progress. There will always be that slow stage at the beginning, when friendships feel more draining than reviving. Push through this stage, with hearts bent on honouring God through your treatment of Church family, and then look for the fruit that the Lord will bless you with.
As we've been getting to know a new Church family, we've been particularly struck by the difference between student ministry and 20s and 30s ministry. We've found making friends far slower than when we were undergraduates, people have much less spare time, and are far more protective of their evenings than students. The 20s and 30s group would spend two evenings a week together, probably spending 3 hours in each others company, compared to the far more intense schedules of students, who could be with each other at Church every other day. The rate of growth is therefore so much slower than in Durham. We spent a good week feeling very frustrated at this. We were desperate to be outward looking, to not close our doors and hideaway as closeted newly-weds. But for all our zeal, we couldn't seem to connect with people, or have the open-home we longed for. In my human short-sightedness, I was quick to despair that we would in fact never make friends, and that perhaps this Church family wasn't for us. Perhaps if I had been on my own, I would have let this despair drive a wedge between me and my Church family. Mercifully, God has given me a fantastically stable and consistent husband, and the pair of us resolved that we would simply keep on going. We would keep sending out dinner invitations, keep staying after Church to chat with people we were slowly coming to know better, and keep finding every opportunity we could to give to our new Church family. And over the last few weeks, we have seen the fruits of this. On Monday and Tuesday evenings, we always have a group of people over for supper. We try to think hard about who might need or appreciate this most, to give to those most in need. We can use the good things God has given to us for the good of other people. After Church, we have a group of friends who we make sure to catch up with. We know what they're finding difficult at the moment, or exciting things happening in their weeks, and we can ask about this - show that we listen to them and know them. We come away from Church feeling happy. We can see the progress we're making in our friendships, and we feel like we have opportunities to serve others. Alex and I are striving to live out 1 Thessalonians 2 v 8 - So we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. To do this, we try to look for simple ways to serve someone that mean alot to them. A dog-walk and soup for someone who would spend that Saturday alone. A quick message to tell someone that you're praying for them and thinking of them as they go through family illness. Lending a towel to a friend who travels to visit their fiance. You won't be someone's closest friend immediately, but you can share yourself with them and slowly see how God knits your lives together.
If you're feeling distant from your Church family, then may I encourage you to persevere? Grow your friendships one conversation or dinner at a time, and don't let the seeming lack of progress stop you from putting in the effort needed to create progress. There will always be that slow stage at the beginning, when friendships feel more draining than reviving. Push through this stage, with hearts bent on honouring God through your treatment of Church family, and then look for the fruit that the Lord will bless you with.
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